i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
