Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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