You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
