i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
