...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
