i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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