went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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