You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
