True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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