He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
