I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
