That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize