Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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