I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
