We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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