HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
