Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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