And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
