I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Let's get the cat blown out
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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