Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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