Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
