The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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