Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
