you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
