You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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