I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
