No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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