im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
