Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
