I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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