She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
