is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
