non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
