I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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