Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize