you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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