it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
