After last night, I could never be a politician.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
