i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
