I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
