I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
