there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
