you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
