Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
