haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize