Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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