So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
