If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
