he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I am naked and annoyed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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