either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
