His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
