Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
