I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
