Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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