Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize