Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
