P.S. I can't hear my feet
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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