And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
