You smell like stripper and shame
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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