I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize