totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
