i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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