I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
