you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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