Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
