My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
