don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
