Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The uberlube is also flammable
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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