He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize