I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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