i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
