I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize