After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
