He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
