I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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