good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
