i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize