His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
barbara walters just said penis...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
